The last few months have brought me a fairly strong shift in consciousness. While the shift was subtle, the change in me was pretty substantial. My draw to spiritual and magick practice originally began as a fear. I had been interested in magick, witchcraft, the supernatural and the like from a very young age. It wasn’t until my twenties that I met my roomate who was a tarot reader. She had practiced for years, and I had known her for a long time as well. I trusted her. I knew that whatever would happen it would be ok because it was coming from a good place. She bought me my first tarot deck and the rest is history. That initial challenge of my fears and beliefs sparked a light in me that I had been so afraid to explore. Now she continues to be a tarot reader and I have also introduced her to magickal practice. We have grown both together but also apart in some ways. When we began to drift I thought of it as a sign I had derailed. As I delved more into these thoughts and feelings I recognized the value of surrendering.
Had I not surrendered to my fears years ago, when she bought me my first Tarot deck I wouldn’t be where I am today. And magick has changed my life in such a beautiful way. Now I am facing another crossroads as my practice deepens. Things that make me uncomfortable are coming to the surface. I could very easily squirrel away from these thoughts and not confront these feelings, or I can immerse myself in them and allow them to shape me. Surrendering to the universe is scary. You realise that you may end up confronting frieghtening aspects of yourself and your beliefs and that you may not come out of it the same as you went in. But that’s where kindness comes in.
As you open yourself up to the possibilities of the divine you realise that the only way you can move ‘forward’ (if there is a linear path) is through kindness. Recognizing your desires and aspirations are worth exploring while also maintaining a kindness towards all who come into your path is the key. And this dance, although simple in theory, is very challenging in practice. This dance asks you to sometimes hold off on satisfaction because that may cause harm to others. It also asks us to forgive others without necessarily recieving an appology. Letting go validation from others (including moral institutions created by society) to know you are doing the right thing is difficult – especially if what you’re doing doesn’t always make logical sense (as it does in some cases with magick).
I had some trouble figuring out how my views of Christianity would be respectful of others. As I moved away from the church my first instincts were to discount the system which set my childhood foundations of love and kindness. After soul searching I realised that Christ has a very strong place in my life. I believe in Christ. I think he is and was an excellent example of what a kind, trusting and forgiving enilightend being would be. He truly was the son of the divine, as all of us. He was an incredibly gifted spiritual practitioner. There have been writings about this perspective for years. Roman-Jewish scholar Josephus (Titus Flavius Josephus) wrote about Jesus Christ in Antiquities of Jews. He wrote that he was an exceptionally gifted spiritual practitioner who did in fact perform miracles. He mentions other aspects of his life that are not in synchronicity with the teachings of the church however. As I delved more into this I realised, it doesn’t really matter. Jesus Christ stands for exceptionally beautiful concepts at heart – love one and other, be kind, accept, forgive and don’t judge. As I move into my magickal practice more seriously I realise that Christ is a mentor. How the church grew from that, according to my personal beliefs, doesn’t really matter. There will be idosynchracies in all things that come across my path in life as it relates to other people. But like I mentioned before, being kind, understanding and delicate towards others’ view of similar institutions and symbols is important. And it took me a little while to get there.
That kindness, however, must also reflect inwards and outwards. You have to be kind to yourself in the same way we are required to be gentle with the feelings and lives of others. That means letting go of unhealthy habits, thought patterns and in some times relationships. And all of these things have a place in this world, so whatever it is we do let go of, we must do so with kindness. Every living thing has a purpose and path in this universe. And although that purpose may not make sense to us at a particular moment we have to respect it’s place.
So once we begin to make decisions without knowing the outcome, but trusting that it’s the authentically honest and kind thing to do, we let go of the control we think we have over our lives. With continual acts of kindness, that surrender our necessity to know the outcome insures a beautiful, kind and aligned outcome.